Then I make a decision that I want to be a musician like him. Eventhough I am coming from a science school..it was a tough decision that I ever make. Not everyone support me for my decision...and at that time I realised who was actually my real friends. Some of my good friends were looking down upon me when they knew that i want to be a musician. But i still can survived by thinking that one day I will be on his side.
I studied hard on music when my major was science...like a crazy stupid girl...sitting alone talking to myself that one day I will be like him...as proud as him...Thanks God...finally I can make my dreams come true...When one day, I had an audition to further my studies in music in one of the local university. I passed the audition, of cos I can make my dreams come true now when he will be there at the same place with me now.
But..my parents want me to be a teacher...and I got an offer to be a music teacher...what shud i choosed? Then I choose my parents. I forget all my dreams to be with him for a while.
When i enter this school...I feel empty...everything was not getting like i planned before...I felt boring...I am not interested with the studies...and one day my friend asked me to tell mr.Q about my feeling. I was thinking and thinking about that again and again...after about 3 years I did have feeling for him...I just should let him knows....and one day I told him...then he rejected me...and he was very angry with me...If it was wrong to tell you that...I am sorry...I apologized you with all my heart...I never mean that I jus want to let you know...If you happened to read this, sir.......
Then I realised...that it was not because of you that I want to be a musician...It is because that I love music very much and I enjoyed my music...I can compose my songs now...I can arrange songs now...I realised that it was you, mr.Q who opened my heart to be a musician...you were the one who show me the way that i have to take....and now I know that I was really grateful to have you as my instructor band before...and now I will do my best to be just like you eventhough we are not on the same field...but we are still musician...thanks to my music teacher before for letting me took part in school's band....
July 31, 2011
'kakak...kakak tak tidur lagi ke?....'
Sempena bulan Ramadhan nie...marilah kita memperbanyakkan amalan...chop2!! Kalau citer pasal Ramadhan nie...hantu setan sumer kna ikat kan? So takdelah yang takut nak bangun malam kan?
Citer pasal hantu nie...bukan semua orang dapat tengok benda nie...aku pown setakat kena2 tegur gitu.... especially masa aku duk kat asrama dlu...asrama mana ek? sampai sekarang pown aku duk kt asrama...haha... time aku skolah dlu2 la...aku slalu balek lewat malam sebab ada latihan pancaragan kn...so, one night...
aku pown balek lambat la cm biasa kn...aku da abes solat Isyak basuh muka semua, aku pown ambil la buku latihan matematik PMR aku untuk mengulangkaji pelajaran...aku kn budak rajin...haha..'masuk bakul angkat sendiri plak'...sekali-sekala...=)
so aku pown study...sedar tak sedar dah pukul 2.00 pagi woo....semua budak dorm aku dah tido...tapi baru aku sedar ad sorang budak dorm aku tk ade kt katil...'mana budak nie pergi?', detik hatiku. Lalu aku pown mempersetankan perasaanku. Lagipown budak tu bkan bdak kecikg] g pown. pandai2 die la nak hidup.
Lalu, aku cuba memejamkan mata ku. Aku tutup dan aku bukak mata aku. First time aku rasa tak mengantuk walaupown aku penat setengah mati ari nie...'Napa ek? tamao lelap plak....', fikirku. Lalu aku teringat. Sudah beberapa malam tidurku terganggu. Malam2 sebelum ini, katilku digegarkan ala-ala Rolller Coaster. Padahal aku tidur bertiga di situ. tapi kawan2 ku tidur mati. 'Hantu punya budak', getus hati kecilku.
Tiba-tiba, aku terdengar bunyi tapak kaki kecil yang berlari2 di sekitar katilku. Seperti bermain lagaknya. Berlari ulang-alik di sebelah katilku. 'Gerangan apakah itu?', bisik ku cuak. Kedengaran tawa suara budak kecil. 'Hihihi...', tergelak2 keriangan. Aku mula menggigil. Sedar 'budak' itu hanya mengusik aku.
Lalu aku bersuara di dalam hati, 'kau nak apa? sini bukan tempat kau...pergi main jauh2...jangan kacau aku..aku datang sini nak belajar...'. Seketika budak itu mendiamkan diri. Aku berasa lega.
Namun, kemudian kedengaran lagi tapak kaki kecil itu berlari2. Tiba-tiba. 'Kakak...kakak tak tidur lagi ke?'....begitu halus suara itu. Terasa dekat di telinga aku. Nafas aku terhenti seketika. Kemudian kedengaran tawa kecil budak itu. 'Pergi jauh2!!', bentakku dalam hati.
Tiba-tiba aku terdengar bunyi pintu dorm dibuka. Aku melihat kelibat adik dorm ku di katilnya. Aku berasa lega melihat dia di situ dan aku bersyukur kerana selepas itu ternyata budak kecil itu tiada di situ lagi.
July 29, 2011
The FACT about my SINCERITY in LoVe
This is a story about love. My failure in love...till i cant love someone sincerely anymore. When u got hurt u, u will have a desire to hurt someone else. When did i start to hurt myself...i dont really know...and dnt ever ask me why i hurt them?
First time in my life, i really start to fall in love sincerely with someone that i should really respect him. It is not that i dnt respect him when i fall in love with him. It is jus a desire to love him more than anyone else around me. To give him a speciality that not everyone will get it. To take care of him. To give and get love from him. To stand by his side forever even when he is down. The important is...to see him smiling brightly to me.
For a few months...i feel like i am in heaven when i can see him in front of me...smiling and give my friends and i support to do better in our team. Then one day, I feel like my world was suddenly dark. No light in front of me. I was crying like a mad girl when I know that I cant longer see him again because of someone's fault. And because of our fault. I accept that...when i am no longer seeing him again. Always thinking...'What he is doing now?', again and again. I sat lonely in my world. Calling his name. Hoping that he will received my missing sign. When everytime I heard somebody calling his name, I will looking for him. What else i can do at that time? Just sitting on my chair imagining that he is here looking at me.
Then i wake up. Time flows and i have to prepare for my examination. I thought I can forget him. And i am really confident that i can forget him. And i was really sure till i just ignored him when one day i met him in a function. I thought...'When I walk away from this hall tonight...I will leave all my memories with him here...I will forget him...'....and I walk away without looking at him as I know he might be looking at me. Then, i cant walked anymore. Because I am just lying to myself. The fact that I really2 love him is still on my mind. And i cant stop from thinking of him. Then i regret the way I did to him. But it was too late for me. Because i might have hurt him. I just let the time flow because I dont know what else i can do...because he is someone i should really respect and I cant say anything that i like in front of him...Because he is my mr.Q....and am I wrong when I fall in love with my mr.Q?
*to be continued
First time in my life, i really start to fall in love sincerely with someone that i should really respect him. It is not that i dnt respect him when i fall in love with him. It is jus a desire to love him more than anyone else around me. To give him a speciality that not everyone will get it. To take care of him. To give and get love from him. To stand by his side forever even when he is down. The important is...to see him smiling brightly to me.
For a few months...i feel like i am in heaven when i can see him in front of me...smiling and give my friends and i support to do better in our team. Then one day, I feel like my world was suddenly dark. No light in front of me. I was crying like a mad girl when I know that I cant longer see him again because of someone's fault. And because of our fault. I accept that...when i am no longer seeing him again. Always thinking...'What he is doing now?', again and again. I sat lonely in my world. Calling his name. Hoping that he will received my missing sign. When everytime I heard somebody calling his name, I will looking for him. What else i can do at that time? Just sitting on my chair imagining that he is here looking at me.
Then i wake up. Time flows and i have to prepare for my examination. I thought I can forget him. And i am really confident that i can forget him. And i was really sure till i just ignored him when one day i met him in a function. I thought...'When I walk away from this hall tonight...I will leave all my memories with him here...I will forget him...'....and I walk away without looking at him as I know he might be looking at me. Then, i cant walked anymore. Because I am just lying to myself. The fact that I really2 love him is still on my mind. And i cant stop from thinking of him. Then i regret the way I did to him. But it was too late for me. Because i might have hurt him. I just let the time flow because I dont know what else i can do...because he is someone i should really respect and I cant say anything that i like in front of him...Because he is my mr.Q....and am I wrong when I fall in love with my mr.Q?
*to be continued
June 03, 2011
why do love is hurt?
kenapa kn cinta tu kadang2 menyakitkan? bukan je menyakitkan...tp mcm kena hiris2 hati nie...huhu...='(
why and why? based on my experienced....hmm...antara sebab-sebabnye lar kan....
why and why? based on my experienced....hmm...antara sebab-sebabnye lar kan....
- tak pernah nak berpuas hati
bukan nak cakap apelar kan....tp aku pown kadang-kadang tak pernah puas dengan apa yg ada...bile dah macam tu...mulalah nak berkasar bahasa....hmm...itu tak boleh..ini tak boleh...itu kena buat...ini pown kena buat jgak?! hmmm...lw dpt bf yg penyabar tkpelah jgak kn...skali angin die pusing....bile due-due angin dah bertembung mesti lah ada yang sakit kn? kn? kn?
- egois
nie kadang2 lelaki yang lebih ego kot....tp lw pompuan lg teruk kot...honestly aku pown ego jgak...huhu...masalah ego nie...bile die tak thu nk tunjukkan kasih sayang...hmm...selalu buat2 tak kisah psal perasaan owang 2...konon2 nya lame2 nti bek lar tue...hmm...pompuan lw skali atie die terluka...bahaya woo...lame2 kena tinggal...tk ke naya tue? isy3....
- kurang sabar
nie contohnye aku lar nie...aku suke merungut kt die...huhu...hmm..lw nk luah rse tk puas ati tuebleh jer...tp igt sumer laki nie jiwa kental ker? nmpak bdan tough giler skali dalam hati ada taman....lw slah ckap skit kang die amek hati...hmm...ad jgak laki cm2 tw....tk bleh g thu sape...haha :D so klu nk ckap tue gune la bhasa yg baik ckit...
- tidak memahami
hmm...kdg2 die bz gler smpai bpe hari tk contact...sabaq naa....biarkn dia...dia perlukan masa 2....nie tak...awal2 lg da ckap kt tepon...'nape u tk call i da bpe ari nie?! i hantar mcj pown u tak blas?! teruk u nie!! u ad girl lain ek?! damn! tk gune!'....klu la tpon tu bleh bercakap...mesti tpon tu ckap..."u! shut the f*** up!"...hahahaha....
nak cakap psal benda2 cmnie...aku pown bkan gheti sgt...sbab aku nie bkan lah type girl yg serius sgt psal bnda2 cmnie...hmm...tp lw korang sudi membace nie...time kasih byk2....sudi2 lah comment ye...^_^
May 15, 2011
i am hurting...
ape citer? baru putus cinta...sakitnya memang tak tahan...orang kata luka kat tangan bleh nampak...tapi lame2 parut dia akan hilang jugak kn? tapi...luka dlm hati sapa yg thu...tah bila nk sembuh.....
akhirnya aku mintak jgak putus ngan dia....mungkin salah aku...aku nie mmg manja ckit...cm bdak2 la jgak kn...
tp dia tk bleh accept aku mcm nie...dia mrah kt aku....why not u jus accept me as i am? i jus need piece of ur attention...bt why ur jus ignore me??? m jus a girl...need attention and caring from her beloved....
serius aku rasa cm nk mati pown ade....da lar paper hari isnin...esk la tu....pastu aku tkleh fokus....aduhaii....
akhirnya aku mintak jgak putus ngan dia....mungkin salah aku...aku nie mmg manja ckit...cm bdak2 la jgak kn...
tp dia tk bleh accept aku mcm nie...dia mrah kt aku....why not u jus accept me as i am? i jus need piece of ur attention...bt why ur jus ignore me??? m jus a girl...need attention and caring from her beloved....
serius aku rasa cm nk mati pown ade....da lar paper hari isnin...esk la tu....pastu aku tkleh fokus....aduhaii....
May 10, 2011
happy birthday!!
korang terfikir tak apa makna di sebalik happy birthday nie? hmmm....hari ini adalah hari di mana korang dilahirkan....lahirnya korang bersama tanggungjawab sebagai khalifah kat bumi nie....
bukan nak cakap lebih2...tapi kesempatan nie aku nak ucapkan selamat hari lahir pada sesiapa yang baru menyambut hari lahir...aku pown bru ja bt 'prank' kt roomate aku...cian die...hahahaha...XD
buat kawan-kawan aku yang menyambut hari lahir dlm bulan mei nie....happy birth day!!
semua sekali sama ada yang dapat aku sambut atau pown tak dapat....sayang kat korang!!
special wish for zafirah yang menyambut hari lahir hari nie....kemudian menyusul pulak Aina...12 Mei nie...^_^
bukan nak cakap lebih2...tapi kesempatan nie aku nak ucapkan selamat hari lahir pada sesiapa yang baru menyambut hari lahir...aku pown bru ja bt 'prank' kt roomate aku...cian die...hahahaha...XD
buat kawan-kawan aku yang menyambut hari lahir dlm bulan mei nie....happy birth day!!
semua sekali sama ada yang dapat aku sambut atau pown tak dapat....sayang kat korang!!
special wish for zafirah yang menyambut hari lahir hari nie....kemudian menyusul pulak Aina...12 Mei nie...^_^
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| friends forever |
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| cikgu baru lepas pi joging ^_^ |
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| napa muke cmtue? isy3... |
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| lah...nie knapa plak nie?? |
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| best roomates ^_^ |
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| happy birthday bt kamu berdua...^_^ last skali...aku bersykur sangat ada kawan2 yg baik macam korang....walaupun aku berjauhan dengan family tapi aku tak pernah rasa sunyi...time kaseh sebab jd family aku kat cni....saaayang korang..^_^ |
May 09, 2011
cerita aku IV
Keesokan harinya, Elyana bangun awal pagi bersiap untu k ke sekolah. Dia tidak mahu terlambat lagi. Namun hatinya sentiasa berdebar-debar.
"Macam mana nie? Kenapa aku tkut pulak dekat Biawak tu?", bisik Elyana.
Namun, dikuatkan hatinya untuk ke sekolah. Zack bukanlah siapa-siapa pun baginya.
Sesampainya di sekolah, Elyana terus meletak motosikalnya di tempat yang disediakan.
"Eh? Macam kenal ja motor nie....nie bukan mtor...hah?!", terkedu Elyana sebentar apabila melihatkan motor Zack sudah tersadai di situ.
Lantas Elyana berlalu dari situ. Kerjanya yang terbengkalai semalam harus disiapkan. Namun, Elyana terperanjat apabila kawasan taman telah dibersihkan dengan rapi sekali.
"Ini mesti kerja biawak tu....isy!", ujar Elyana geram.
Pantas dia melangkah ke kelas Tingkatan 5 Amanah. Menyedari itu adalah kelas senior...Elyana masuk dengan mengetuk pintu. Terus dia menuju ke arah Zack.
"Weyh! Kau ingat kau bersihkan kawasan aku tu, ko ni baek sangat la?!", marah Elyana. Terasa egonya tercabar ketika itu.
Zack sudah tahu perkara seperti ini pasti akan berlaku.
"Yang kau tak puas hati sangat ni kenapa? Tak sedar ke ni kelas orang? tunjuk lagak pulak...", sinis nada Zack.
"Aku pun tak ingin nak datang sini...tapi aku tak puas hati...MIND YOUR OWN BUSSINESS!! Jangan sibuk nk wat hal aku...", tegas nada Elyana.
"Dah kau tak buat kerja kau...kalau aku tk buat nanti kau dan aku kena lagi teruk....atau kau memang suka nak buat kerja dengan aku...Kau ada hati pada aku? Hmm...siapa lah yang balik menangis macam budak kecik semalam ek? Hmm...I wonder why...", ejek Zack.
Ketika itu perasaan ingin membalas dendamnya membuak-buak. Bukan senang dia nak menundukkan ego Elyana.
Elyana terdiam. Terasa dirinya begitu kerdil di saat itu.Semua mata di situ memandang tepat ke arahnya. Malah ada yang berbisik-bisik.
"Isy...dah lah datang kelas orang nka buat kecoh pulak...dah orang tolong dia...tak mahu berterima kasih pulak tu...teruk perangai...", terdengar suara Puteri dari jauh menyindirnya.
Puteri gadis yang meletup di sekolah pada ketika itu. Dia sangat menyukai Zack namun, cintanya tidak pernah berbalas. Terasa sakit hatinya melihat mereka sering bergaduh. Terasa seperti ada chemistry yang merapatkan lagi mereka.
"Kau ni memang TERUK!!", jerit Elyana sebelum melangkah pergi. Sempat dia menghadiahkan jelingan tajam kepada Zack.
Zack terpaku melihat jelingan tersebut. Dia dapat melihat muka Elyana yang begitu sugul. Wajahnya yang putih itu kemerah-merahan menahan perasaan. Serta-merta perasaan bersalah menyelubungi dirinya. Namun dia sedaya-upaya menahan reaksi mukanya.
"Weyh! Kau buat apa nie? Dia tu kan perempuan...", ujar Amri tidak puas hati dengan sikap rakannya itu.
Wan yang berada berdekatan mereka segera mampir. Namun, tiada kata-kata yang terluah daripada bibirnya.
"Kan aku dah cakap aku nak balas dendam?", ujar Zack menegakkan benang yang basah.
"Tapi ni tak betul weyh...tengok macam mana berubah muka dia tadi...", balas Amri.
"Dah la...tak payah sesakkan kepala otak pikir pasal dia...baca buku tu...", ujar Zack namun dalam hatinya hanya Tuhan saja yang tahu.
Wan dan Amri masing-masing mendiamkan diri. Namun, riak wajah Amri jelas tidak puas hati. Wan pula kelihatan lebih bersahaja. Akhirnya mereka melangkah ke meja masing-masing. Zack mengelamun sebentar.
"Kenapa lah aku buat macam tu?", bisik hati Zack.
"Macam mana nie? Kenapa aku tkut pulak dekat Biawak tu?", bisik Elyana.
Namun, dikuatkan hatinya untuk ke sekolah. Zack bukanlah siapa-siapa pun baginya.
Sesampainya di sekolah, Elyana terus meletak motosikalnya di tempat yang disediakan.
"Eh? Macam kenal ja motor nie....nie bukan mtor...hah?!", terkedu Elyana sebentar apabila melihatkan motor Zack sudah tersadai di situ.
Lantas Elyana berlalu dari situ. Kerjanya yang terbengkalai semalam harus disiapkan. Namun, Elyana terperanjat apabila kawasan taman telah dibersihkan dengan rapi sekali.
"Ini mesti kerja biawak tu....isy!", ujar Elyana geram.
Pantas dia melangkah ke kelas Tingkatan 5 Amanah. Menyedari itu adalah kelas senior...Elyana masuk dengan mengetuk pintu. Terus dia menuju ke arah Zack.
"Weyh! Kau ingat kau bersihkan kawasan aku tu, ko ni baek sangat la?!", marah Elyana. Terasa egonya tercabar ketika itu.
Zack sudah tahu perkara seperti ini pasti akan berlaku.
"Yang kau tak puas hati sangat ni kenapa? Tak sedar ke ni kelas orang? tunjuk lagak pulak...", sinis nada Zack.
"Aku pun tak ingin nak datang sini...tapi aku tak puas hati...MIND YOUR OWN BUSSINESS!! Jangan sibuk nk wat hal aku...", tegas nada Elyana.
"Dah kau tak buat kerja kau...kalau aku tk buat nanti kau dan aku kena lagi teruk....atau kau memang suka nak buat kerja dengan aku...Kau ada hati pada aku? Hmm...siapa lah yang balik menangis macam budak kecik semalam ek? Hmm...I wonder why...", ejek Zack.
Ketika itu perasaan ingin membalas dendamnya membuak-buak. Bukan senang dia nak menundukkan ego Elyana.
Elyana terdiam. Terasa dirinya begitu kerdil di saat itu.Semua mata di situ memandang tepat ke arahnya. Malah ada yang berbisik-bisik.
"Isy...dah lah datang kelas orang nka buat kecoh pulak...dah orang tolong dia...tak mahu berterima kasih pulak tu...teruk perangai...", terdengar suara Puteri dari jauh menyindirnya.
Puteri gadis yang meletup di sekolah pada ketika itu. Dia sangat menyukai Zack namun, cintanya tidak pernah berbalas. Terasa sakit hatinya melihat mereka sering bergaduh. Terasa seperti ada chemistry yang merapatkan lagi mereka.
"Kau ni memang TERUK!!", jerit Elyana sebelum melangkah pergi. Sempat dia menghadiahkan jelingan tajam kepada Zack.
Zack terpaku melihat jelingan tersebut. Dia dapat melihat muka Elyana yang begitu sugul. Wajahnya yang putih itu kemerah-merahan menahan perasaan. Serta-merta perasaan bersalah menyelubungi dirinya. Namun dia sedaya-upaya menahan reaksi mukanya.
"Weyh! Kau buat apa nie? Dia tu kan perempuan...", ujar Amri tidak puas hati dengan sikap rakannya itu.
Wan yang berada berdekatan mereka segera mampir. Namun, tiada kata-kata yang terluah daripada bibirnya.
"Kan aku dah cakap aku nak balas dendam?", ujar Zack menegakkan benang yang basah.
"Tapi ni tak betul weyh...tengok macam mana berubah muka dia tadi...", balas Amri.
"Dah la...tak payah sesakkan kepala otak pikir pasal dia...baca buku tu...", ujar Zack namun dalam hatinya hanya Tuhan saja yang tahu.
Wan dan Amri masing-masing mendiamkan diri. Namun, riak wajah Amri jelas tidak puas hati. Wan pula kelihatan lebih bersahaja. Akhirnya mereka melangkah ke meja masing-masing. Zack mengelamun sebentar.
"Kenapa lah aku buat macam tu?", bisik hati Zack.
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