July 31, 2011

The FACT about my SINCERITY in LoVe 2

Then I make a decision that I want to be a musician like him. Eventhough I am coming from a science school..it was a tough decision that I ever make. Not everyone support me for my decision...and at that time I realised who was actually my real friends. Some of my good friends were looking down upon me when they knew that i want to be a musician. But i still can survived by thinking that one day I will be on his side.

I studied hard on music when my major was science...like a crazy stupid girl...sitting alone talking to myself that one day I will be like him...as proud as him...Thanks God...finally I can make my dreams come true...When one day, I had an audition to further my studies in music in one of the local university. I passed the audition, of cos I can make my dreams come true now when he will be there at the same place with me now.

But..my parents want me to be a teacher...and I got an offer to be a music teacher...what shud i choosed? Then I choose my parents. I forget all my dreams to be with him for a while.

When i enter this school...I feel empty...everything was not getting like i planned before...I felt boring...I am not interested with the studies...and one day my friend asked me to tell mr.Q about my feeling. I was thinking and thinking about that again and again...after about 3 years I did have feeling for him...I just should let him knows....and one day I told him...then he rejected me...and he was very angry with me...If it was wrong to tell you that...I am sorry...I apologized you with all my heart...I never mean that I jus want to let you know...If you happened to read this, sir.......

Then I realised...that it was not because of you that I want to be a musician...It is because that I love music very much and I enjoyed my music...I can compose my songs now...I can arrange songs now...I realised that it was you, mr.Q who opened my heart to be a musician...you were the one who show me the way that i have to take....and now I know that I was really grateful to have you as my instructor band before...and now I will do my best to be just like you eventhough we are not on the same field...but we are still musician...thanks to my music teacher before for letting me took part in school's band....

'kakak...kakak tak tidur lagi ke?....'

Sempena bulan Ramadhan nie...marilah kita memperbanyakkan amalan...chop2!! Kalau citer pasal Ramadhan nie...hantu setan sumer kna ikat kan? So takdelah yang takut nak bangun malam kan?

Citer pasal hantu nie...bukan semua orang dapat tengok benda nie...aku pown setakat kena2 tegur gitu.... especially masa aku duk kat asrama dlu...asrama mana ek? sampai sekarang pown aku duk kt asrama...haha... time aku skolah dlu2 la...aku slalu balek lewat malam sebab ada latihan pancaragan kn...so, one night...

aku pown balek lambat la cm biasa kn...aku da abes solat Isyak basuh muka semua, aku pown ambil la buku latihan matematik PMR aku untuk mengulangkaji pelajaran...aku kn budak rajin...haha..'masuk bakul angkat sendiri plak'...sekali-sekala...=)

so aku pown study...sedar tak sedar dah pukul 2.00 pagi woo....semua budak dorm aku dah tido...tapi baru aku sedar ad sorang budak dorm aku tk ade kt katil...'mana budak nie pergi?', detik hatiku. Lalu aku pown mempersetankan perasaanku. Lagipown budak tu bkan bdak kecikg] g pown. pandai2 die la nak hidup.

Lalu, aku cuba memejamkan mata ku. Aku tutup dan aku bukak mata aku. First time aku rasa tak mengantuk walaupown aku penat setengah mati ari nie...'Napa ek? tamao lelap plak....', fikirku. Lalu aku teringat. Sudah beberapa malam tidurku terganggu. Malam2 sebelum ini, katilku digegarkan ala-ala Rolller Coaster. Padahal aku tidur bertiga di situ. tapi kawan2 ku tidur mati. 'Hantu punya budak', getus hati kecilku.

Tiba-tiba, aku terdengar bunyi tapak kaki kecil yang berlari2 di sekitar katilku. Seperti bermain lagaknya. Berlari ulang-alik di sebelah katilku. 'Gerangan apakah itu?', bisik ku cuak. Kedengaran tawa suara budak kecil. 'Hihihi...', tergelak2 keriangan. Aku mula menggigil. Sedar 'budak' itu hanya mengusik aku.

Lalu aku bersuara di dalam hati, 'kau nak apa? sini bukan tempat kau...pergi main jauh2...jangan kacau aku..aku datang sini nak belajar...'. Seketika budak itu mendiamkan diri. Aku berasa lega.

Namun, kemudian kedengaran lagi tapak kaki kecil itu berlari2. Tiba-tiba. 'Kakak...kakak tak tidur lagi ke?'....begitu halus suara itu. Terasa dekat di telinga aku. Nafas aku terhenti seketika. Kemudian kedengaran tawa kecil budak itu. 'Pergi jauh2!!', bentakku dalam hati. 

Tiba-tiba aku terdengar bunyi pintu dorm dibuka. Aku melihat kelibat adik dorm ku di katilnya. Aku berasa lega melihat dia di situ dan aku bersyukur kerana selepas itu ternyata budak kecil itu tiada di situ lagi.




July 29, 2011

The FACT about my SINCERITY in LoVe

This is a story about love. My failure in love...till i cant love someone sincerely anymore. When u got hurt u, u will have a desire to hurt someone else. When did i start to hurt myself...i dont really know...and dnt ever ask me why i hurt them?

First time in my life, i really start to fall in love sincerely with someone that i should really respect him. It is not that i dnt respect him when i fall in love with him. It is jus a desire to love him more than anyone else around me. To give him a speciality that not everyone will get it. To take care of him. To give and get love from him. To stand by his side forever even when he is down. The important is...to see him smiling brightly to me.

For a few months...i feel like i am in heaven when i can see him in front of me...smiling and give my friends and i support to do better in our team. Then one day, I feel like my world was suddenly dark. No light in front of me. I was crying like a mad girl when I know that I cant longer see him again because of someone's fault. And because of our fault. I accept that...when i am no longer seeing him again. Always thinking...'What he is doing now?', again and again. I sat lonely in my world. Calling his name. Hoping that he will received my missing sign. When everytime I heard somebody calling his name, I will looking for him. What else i can do at that time? Just sitting on my chair imagining that he is here looking at me.

Then i wake up. Time flows and i have to prepare for my examination. I thought I can forget him. And i am really confident that i can forget him. And i was really sure till i just ignored him when one day i met him in a function. I thought...'When I walk away from this hall tonight...I will leave all my memories with him here...I will forget him...'....and I walk away without looking at him as I know he might be looking at me. Then, i cant walked anymore. Because I am just lying to myself. The fact that I really2 love him is still on my mind. And i cant stop from thinking of him. Then i regret the way I did to him. But it was too late for me. Because i might have hurt him. I just let the time flow because I dont know what else i can do...because he is someone i should really respect and I cant say anything that i like in front of him...Because he is my mr.Q....and am I wrong when I fall in love with my mr.Q?

*to be continued
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