This is a story about love. My failure in love...till i cant love someone sincerely anymore. When u got hurt u, u will have a desire to hurt someone else. When did i start to hurt myself...i dont really know...and dnt ever ask me why i hurt them?
First time in my life, i really start to fall in love sincerely with someone that i should really respect him. It is not that i dnt respect him when i fall in love with him. It is jus a desire to love him more than anyone else around me. To give him a speciality that not everyone will get it. To take care of him. To give and get love from him. To stand by his side forever even when he is down. The important is...to see him smiling brightly to me.
For a few months...i feel like i am in heaven when i can see him in front of me...smiling and give my friends and i support to do better in our team. Then one day, I feel like my world was suddenly dark. No light in front of me. I was crying like a mad girl when I know that I cant longer see him again because of someone's fault. And because of our fault. I accept that...when i am no longer seeing him again. Always thinking...'What he is doing now?', again and again. I sat lonely in my world. Calling his name. Hoping that he will received my missing sign. When everytime I heard somebody calling his name, I will looking for him. What else i can do at that time? Just sitting on my chair imagining that he is here looking at me.
Then i wake up. Time flows and i have to prepare for my examination. I thought I can forget him. And i am really confident that i can forget him. And i was really sure till i just ignored him when one day i met him in a function. I thought...'When I walk away from this hall tonight...I will leave all my memories with him here...I will forget him...'....and I walk away without looking at him as I know he might be looking at me. Then, i cant walked anymore. Because I am just lying to myself. The fact that I really2 love him is still on my mind. And i cant stop from thinking of him. Then i regret the way I did to him. But it was too late for me. Because i might have hurt him. I just let the time flow because I dont know what else i can do...because he is someone i should really respect and I cant say anything that i like in front of him...Because he is my mr.Q....and am I wrong when I fall in love with my mr.Q?
*to be continued
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